Well, here I am again after a long time, sharing my thoughts. In my opinion, over the duration of the last week I was exiled. Exiled from my self and sent away into a deep trance where I was sent to search for a few answers. I don’t think that the purpose of the exile has been fully achieved. But I return with a little more clarity and direction. The amount of thought that has been put into my last week is amazing. I have gone through a fair deal of emotional stress, the reasons for which I am still not sure. With the year coming to an end and having to say good bye to a few very important people has been tough and painful nonetheless. And apart from that I have been denied the one thing that I was counting on for the last two years. I know that its all for the good at the end of the day, but for how long can one not feel the pain that things like this bring along with themselves every time? I have let go and forgotten a lot, and am willing to do the same for the rest of my time, but occasionally I will complain and crib and try to be the child who will die for attention. There is a part to me who loves to be cared for and spoilt silly. That is just a small fragment of my being. The rest of my existence is generally accustomed to being shunned and forgotten. It is from this part of my existence that I live every day. The fragment which I don’t need to care for and take for granted. I have achieved a lot like this, but there is no satisfaction, and no happiness whatsoever linked to it. I have always moved away undetected, like those undercurrents which never see the light off the day. I have been pushed and so I push myself, only towards achieving true happiness which has so conveniently evaded me for all these years.
Well, that is how it works I guess.
Till then,
Adios, Ciao, Goodbye and the works.
Hey don't talk about being shunned and forgotten coz there are a lot of people who will never forget you and they are the ones who matter. And as for happiness, well guess what? it's only a state of mind so you get to decide how happy you want to be. Live for the moment and you'll see, happiness shall find thee :)
ReplyDeleteTill then take care...and CHEER UP!
hmmm, so tell me ro who are these people u talk about? happiness will find me, but who do i share it with?who is there who will stand with me, enjoy my happiness and share my grief too? i have never been lucky enough to have one person like that, let alone a group.
ReplyDeletei will be fine, time will take it course. i dont like being gloomy, but lately there seems to be no other way. :)
I see you.
ReplyDeleteTokhe hiyan lage toh ke tunje laye koi naaye. Par maan tokhe chavan toh ki tu penje sindhi bha ke hamesha yaad rakhje. Samjhe na jo maan chavan to? :)
ReplyDeleteTo be quite honest with you, I exactly know what you are saying. Yes, I was very disappointed too when you didn't get that one thing you were looking for. For me, I really thought you'd find it. But Sir,(Now that you will be filing Income Tax returns about which i have no clue though i took A&F!) Just a little more time and all that you have done will be paid off, in a way you never expected. And I aint giving you false hope ok? Have lots to talk to you about. Let the exams get over. Till then, all the best! And this is a typical sindhi thing that my Grandma used to tell me "Jadi bhi tension ghano huje, Hari Om chayee kare sumi po!"
So long.
Avi.
Akash..... you can't be this upset man.... who's going to hold the fort up man?
ReplyDeleteand hey.... i need to talk to you... remnd me, okay? maybe once i get back to Viman.
till then, you 'ani', please take care and pay attention to those things and people that are ready to give you attention and are maybe dying for your attention. it's all around you. hey, cheer up na.